I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
