i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
