If i come over, it means nothing
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
