can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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