cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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