Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
