She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
