i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I feel great
I just peed on a car
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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