I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
