cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
