is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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