how can u be prego again
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
