All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
