So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
