then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
BRING THE BAGELS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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