elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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