Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
