Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
