Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
