he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
