Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
