Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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