Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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