If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
