i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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