Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
