I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
