I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
