you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I need moral support for this bender
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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