My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
