Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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