Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
