I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
