thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
