boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
