I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
