He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
