im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
