I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I believe in your delicious
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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