Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
