2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
