i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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