i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
