I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
