just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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