man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
