I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
