i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
