Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
