Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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