Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
