I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
