Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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