I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
