PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Congratulations! We have a period
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