So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
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