I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
