They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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