dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Shame - the story of my life.
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