im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
