If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
